ferrociously | we fear rejection, prize attention, crave affection

we fear rejection, prize attention, crave affection

[He's been allowed to stay, at least for now. Tachihara honestly hadn't expected it, knowing their new Commander and her wrath, and knowing that the Hunting Dogs need to work hard to rebuild their reputation after everything that happened. Letting a traitor stay is risky. And traitors are a touchy subject for all of them. Tachihara wouldn't have blamed them if they decided it was safer to have him killed, or simply let him die.

But he's being given a chance, and he's going to take it. A mission to remind him of what they do. Jouno will be keeping close tabs on him, he knows, and will most likely be frequently questioning him and listening for lies. He'll have to be careful.

He'll have to work hard, which is why he's outside now, training, working himself into a sweat, and trying to keep his mind off everything. He doesn't want to think about the fact that he's lost his friends in the mafia now - he doubts they'll ever let him go back, and he can't risk contacting them - or the fact that he could still be losing his family in the Hunting Dogs, too. He hasn't fought with a sword in a long time, so he's grabbed a wooden one, and is going through some drills, stepping forward and swinging high-high-low against an imaginary enemy, then stepping back, outside of that enemy's reach, and then forwards again to repeat. It's exhausting when you keep it up for a while, but it's a good feeling, too, the way it makes his muscles burn. Move forward, parry-low-high.

He falters a bit when he sees Tetcho approaching in the distance, out for his own workouts most likely. Parry-low-side step-high-high, step back again.

When Tetcho is close enough, he stops, turning towards him to bow respectfully. He's honestly nervous about talking to him - he assumes he knows - but he knows it has to happen sooner or later.]

Tetcho-san. I thought I'd better get back to practicing with a sword.

[Guns really are his preferred weapon, but the Hunting Dogs all carry a sword. And he will do his best to prove he can be a Hunting Dog again.]

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[ tetcho is not trained for undercover infiltration missions in the same way the others are. he doesn't have the ability for pretence and deception. so, his feelings are fairly clear on his face as he approaches tachihara. a mixture of hurt and hesitancy, but also hopefulness and forgiveness. he had told jouno that if it came down to it, he would be the one to deal with tachihara, but he is glad that that is not the outcome so far.

the hunting dogs need each other, now more than ever, and he supposes tachihara's betrayal is... more complex than commander fukuchi's.

both hurt though. ] Mm, your stance is a little off.

[That expression is too easy to read. Tachihara is immediately feeling guilty again, wishing that he could be who the Hunting Dogs want him to, forget about everything else. He has always wanted their praise more than anything. But... He's not being rejected, so he's slightly relieved, too.

He looks down to check his stance, then adjusts himself.]

Is that better?

[It really has been too long since he's practiced. Maybe he should have made time for it. He could have sparred with Gin --

No.]

[ the unity of the hunting dogs is important to all of them but in particular, tetcho thinks, to jouno who is working hard. harder than ever to make them work, and so if jouno does that then so can tetcho. and can be, of all people, judge too harshly? tetcho's devotion to jouno had derailed him from the mission too. he'd failed.

he steps closer, nudging with the tip of his boot, he taps the two places where most of the weight ought to go. distributed evenly across the body. ]

Like that. You're not shooting, so you don't need to overcompensate for recoil. It is best if you keep it even until you strike.

[Tachihara lets Tetcho adjust his stance further, then tests how it feels, rocking his weight slightly. He can already tell it's a better position to move in.]

Guess I've been using guns for too long.

[He was in the mafia for over three years. He'd been back every few months for surgeries, to give his reports and catch up, and they'd had some time for training, but obviously not enough.]

Jouno-san told you, didn't he?

[He already knows. He could tell by Tetcho's expression.]

[ the question is unwelcome. tetcho's neutral face falls into something resembling sorrow before it settles on quiet, tempered anger. he may try to understand it and everything but thinking about it too much makes him upset. ]

Yes. [ he straightens, a hand on the hilt of his sword out of habit. ] I don't - I don't care about me, but Jouno deserves better than your betrayal. He trained you closely, carefully. He put everything into making sure you were ready.

[He deserves that anger. He tries to remember if Tetcho has ever looked at him like that before, but he doesn't think so, not even the times when Tachihara had been difficult and disobedient after they first recruited him. Tachihara looks away, eyes dropping to the sword at Tetcho's hip, though he doesn't react to the implied threat.]

I know, Tetcho-san. [And Jouno had told him as much as well. Though he did seem more willing to forgive him, considering they then had sex, which was still strange to think about.] I let all of you down.

[Tetcho, too. Tetcho had taught Tachihara how to fight. He'd put just as much faith in him as Jouno had.]

[ ironically, after his own misjudgement of the situation, tetcho doesn't quite feel his own feelings on the matter are as important. but jouno's? jouno's are and that is a comforting anchor to focus on.

...apparently, someone has not learned his lesson about who and what to prioritize. ]

Why did you do it? We needed you. Jouno could have died. You nearly did too.

[That's a difficult question to answer. At least, it's difficult to answer in a way that won't hurt Tetcho, who cares more about justice than any of them, and who won't understand why he'd feel connected to the Black Lizard. He could lie, of course, or give a half-truth, and he'd be able to do it convincingly, but --

He's not supposed to betray them again by lying, and he doesn't want to disrespect the Port Mafia by downplaying this.]

They're my friends. They've been fighting by my side for a long time.

[He finally looks up at Tetcho again, though his expression is sad.]

And they were fighting to protect the world, too, you can't tell me they're only bad. The mafia boss even tried to help me find a way to take down Captain Fukuchi.

[He'd put his faith in Tachihara, and that means a lot.]

Ultimately the Port Mafia is the enemy of the Hunting Dogs. It's not the same as the detectives. [ hello, his friendship with kenji is wholesome and he believes in the kid... after they beat the shit out of each other and bonded.

but he can't refute that the port mafia were fighting to save the world, not for the right reasons, of that tetcho is sure, however ] And instead of trusting us, you acted on your own on the word of the very people your investigation was supposed to focus on.

[ had the faith the hunting dogs had on tachihara meant nothing? ]

I see you but I don't know who I am looking at.

I acted on my own to confirm it first.

[And then he'd fought Fukuchi and lost. He'll accept Tetcho's anger, but he won't regret the decision he made that day. He paid for it with his life, but he'd stood up for himself, for what he believed in... Orders make him who he is, but that one time he'd made a decision that was completely his own.

He's not sure he wants to do that again, but he's still proud of that moment.]

I told all of you I didn't believe the Agency were the true culprits. But I knew you wouldn't listen without evidence. [he pauses for a second.] I wanted to trust you.

[He did. But his trust in the mafia is what had led him to the truth, in the end.]

And I believed stopping that disaster was the number one priority!

Wanted but didn't. [ ultimately, the true root of tetcho's anger is for jouno, not himself, even if the betrayal stings and none of what he is hearing here is making him feel better. ] What if it comes down to that again? I'd forgive you for betraying me, I could probably forgive you for betraying the Hunting Dogs, but not for betraying Jouno's trust in you.

If you had been with us perhaps you both could've taken on the Captain successful. Neither of you would have almost died. If you had at least trusted him. What you did and your actions— Jouno did listen.

[ he unbuckles the belt holding his sword, lets it fall carelessly to the ground. what had jouno said about team building exercises? that they shouldn't be about beating the shit out of each other?

oops. ]

You're right. I didn't.

[What is he supposed to say? That he had no reason to believe in them? That when he'd first brought up that he thought the Agency was innocent, none of them had really seemed interested in listening? And they are his superiors, they're under no obligation to listen, but he'd been worried they'd have stopped him before he could get the evidence he needed.

But... Something that day had convinced Jouno. If he'd known that, then, everything could have gone down differently.]

What happened to Jouno-san wasn't my fault.

[He drops his wooden sword. Seeing Tetcho like this is chilling, but he'll face it, head on, for the sake of his pride. He has no intention of fighting him, but he'll accept being punished by him as well.]

Edited 2022-04-04 20:14 (UTC)

[ no, what happened to jouno had been no one's fault, but ultimately tetcho does blame himself and in his inability to phrase it in such words he can only say it is tachihara's fault. but they both know better, even if tetcho is angry about it.

however, he's not going to just punish the other; that is not right and torture is not his area of expertise. tetcho does negotiation, fighting head-on. ]

You hurt him.

[ but he isn't moving to hit tachihara or even attack. he is waiting for him to get into a fighting stance. ] Will you not defend yourself?

I hurt you both.

[He can tell that Tetcho is hurt as well, even if Tetcho insists on making it about Jouno. He changes his stance into a defensive one, not because he's planning on fighting back, but because it's what Tetcho needs from him. He can put on a show of it, at least.]

You really did grow close while I was gone.

[He remembers that night they went out drinking. He's been thinking about it a lot.]

I am a Hunting Dog. [ yes, but tetcho wouldn't act on his own hurt. that is not what a hunting dog should be about— right? they are meant to serve society, to serve people and protect them. getting upset and angry, hurting tachihara to deal with his own hurt is not acceptable.

but if it is for jouno then it makes sense, it is as it should be.

he is about to complain about the stance being poor when tachihara says ... that. something complicated passes through his expression. not because tetcho thinks it is a lie but just at the way tachihara points it out. as if it were fact. jouno would deny it and so, tetcho does the same. ]

It is as he said. We work well together and he deserves my loyalty, everything he is doing now for the sake of the Hunting Dogs.

[Tachihara thinks back to the way they'd been bumping shoulders... But it's not his place to question them. They're partners, and partners should be close. He's a little bit jealous. But at least he doesn't have to feel guilty about what happened between him and Jouno, after Jouno finished questioning him.]

I admire that, Tetcho-san.

[It's true. It's not like he stopped believing in all of them, even if his faith in himself as a Hunting Dog wavered, even if he struggled to past what the Hunting Dogs were ultimately being used for. He wouldn't be here otherwise.

He takes a step towards Tetcho, to see if he'll attack when he moves closer.]

I know your sense of justice won't forgive this, so if you wanna fight me, don't hold back.

[ he wants to but last time he acted without rational thought aside from jouno's well-being he made a mistake. tetcho goes rigid, attacking is easy and he did train tachihara, whatever tricks he picked up in the mafia wouldn't be enough in a fist-fight.

but then...] It's not my forgiveness that matters. [ it is teruko's and jouno's. they were in charge of the team. ] Or my sense of justice. I wish I could trust you, Tachihara. But until the captain and vice-captain decide then this is not my call to make.

[ he is Disappointed but this conversation is as painful to tachihara as it is to tetcho. he just... is too straightforward in a way, the wounds that he feels emotionally are the most difficult to deal with. the bleeding there is harder to stop. ]

Pick up your sword, I'll correct your stance again.

Your sense of justice is important to me, Tetcho-san. I've missed it.

[He leans down, picks up the sword again, and moves into a ready stance, trying to keep in mind the corrections from earlier. He'd prefer to fight, he thinks. He hates the tension from all of this, although he knows it's his own responsibility to bear. If you make your own choices, you have to carry the weight of them.

He rolls his shoulders, trying to let go of some of that tension so he can focus on this instead.]

I'll work hard to earn back that trust from all of you.

[Of course he means it.]

[ why? he'd misjudged justice in such a delicate situation, it had been catastrophic. he'd hurt someone who was innocent too. a fight would make him feel good, tetcho likes physical combat, he likes being challenged and pushed and made to hurt after a good spar but nothing here would bring him satisfaction. a spar or not.

tetcho taps his fingers between tachihara's shoulder blades, helping to ease up into the stance. ] Sure.

[ because he doesn't know what to say that won't sound trite. wishing for something doesn't make it so. all tetcho really wants is for jouno's hard work to pay off. ]

[That feels like a rejection. Tachihara almost drops his gaze, except that you never should, during practice. You should always treat it as though there's an enemy in front of you, and keep your head up like you're facing them, so that when you're in an actual fight it's already second nature. Tetcho taught him that.

He exhales, and adjusts his shoulders, his arms, in the way Tetcho is guiding him.]

I will. Even if I never gain it back, I'll keep working.

[Because what else can he do?]

The only thing I expect is that you'll not let Jouno down again. [ one braincell, one goal, easier to focus on jouno and protecting him than his own feelings about this. ] Look up.

[ he touches tachi's elbows, lowering them. the adjustments are minute, tachihara's form is still good, tetcho is simply improving it. a simple shift of the wrist or elbow can make the difference between a killing blow and one which is not. ]

I won't. And I won't let you down, either.

[He refuses to let this just be about Jouno, not when Tetcho is so important to him, too. He'll work hard for all of them.

Once Tetcho is satisfied with the adjustments, he'll start moving within the stance, stepping forwards, backwards, then pausing to let Tetcho adjust him all over again, because it's easy to slip out of the stance the second you're no longer staying in place. It's a matter of repeated practice, of muscle memory.]

Why are you making this all about Jouno-san?

Because, to me, he's the person who deserves everything good in this world. To see him being content and no longer being misunderstood is important to me. [ more than the pursuit of justice but that is an entirely different topic. tetcho is far more transparent than he intends to be and although he owes tachihara no answer, what he gives is the sort of answer he would extend to someone he trusts.

then, as if what he is saying is nothing out of the ordinary, he steps around and taps tachihara's knee. ] More weight here when striking forward.

[That's not the answer he was expecting. So much for the two of them only working well together. He doesn't react much - he's trained not to - but he's watching Tetcho out of the corner of his eye, paying closer attention to his expressions.]

Does he know you feel that way?

[Now he does feel guilty about what happened. Not that he knew about this. He shifts his stance again, automatically when Tetcho taps his knee, and strikes forward to test how that feels.]

[ he does not really understand the question, of course, jouno knows this, right? he is his partner. that he would do anything asked. ] Yes. [ he steps aside watching when tachihara lounges forward and shakes his head. ] Less force until you hit the intended target, if you miss then you do not waste energy.

[ he picks up his own sword from the floor and leaves it sheathed, putting the belt aside. he will not strike with an open sword when tachihara only has a wooden one.

his honour would not allow it. ]

Does he feel the same way?

[He adjusts, tries again - less force, then flexes his muscles at the last second, at the imaginary point of impact. It's taking a lot of focus to keep up this conversation and pay attention to his own movements, but he can't let Tetcho down in this, and he also needs to know more.

When Tetcho picks up his sword, he pauses, but only so he can face him properly. A spar might be what he needs.]

[ now tetcho does look openly confused at the question as if its answer had never occurred to him nor were of any importance. jouno cares for him, they sleep together. he asks him things— yes? ] I do not speak for Jouno. Why? [ he'd lost that right when he misjudged jouno.

and it is an honest answer.

he does not offer a spar, yet but demonstrates the swing mentioned before, putting force before the blow lands on an invisible opponent. ] Do you see what I did there?

[He wants to ask outright: Are the two of you dating. But that seems disrespectful, especially if they're keeping it a secret, which he's pretty sure Jouno would be even if Tetcho is letting this much slip. Maybe he should ask Jouno instead --

No. No, that's a bad idea. But he's definitely feeling guilty now.]

I just like seeing you get along. You never used to.

[It's not completely a lie - it's just not why he was asking. He watches Tetcho moves, admires how fluid he makes it look, how it looks like he's not putting any force into it despite the fact that he could cut a man in half if he drew that blade.]

I think so. Let me try again.

[ if asked, tetcho would say they are not and that would be the truth. it is not a thought he hasn't had in the past, back the very first time he and jouno slept together— he thought that things might have changed but... then he spotted jouno with someone else and understood. whatever they have is unconventional and whatever jouno is willing to give, tetcho will accept. ] I don't know that we do. [ jouno still insults him several times a day.

he watches the swing and then turns, this time facing tachihara. ] Aim at me.

You did when we went drinking.

[Mostly. But Tachihara is also used to insults as a way of friendship. It's how it's done in the mafia, so he wouldn't even react to it. All he saw was the way they touched each other, the fact that Tetcho let Jouno decide his drink...

He pauses, just for a second, mentally calibrating the move, and then steps forward to strike. He really does try to hit - he wouldn't insult Tetcho with anything less - the wooden blade cutting down towards his shoulder. He can move, parry, or take the hit, although considering his body, he'll be fine either way.]

Yes. As partners are supposed to. [ if it were up to tetcho he would touch jouno often and in public. not possessive but affectionate.

he takes the blow, a quiet grunt on impact. it had been deliberately done, he had wanted to feel if tachihara could put the force into the hit at the last moment. ]

Good. Always wait until you're certain the hit will land. The rest you already know it just needs practice.

[He had to remind himself not to pull the sword at the last second, but the praise is satisfying, makes it worth it, makes him feel just a little bit lighter, even if he knows it will be a while before he earns praise for anything but this.]

You're a good partner to him, Tetcho-san.

[And a good superior to Tachihara. A good mentor, because Jouno wasn't the only one who had inspired him after he joined. He's relieved he hasn't lost them yet.]

I'll keep practicing. Muscle memory, right?

And you should be as well. [ they're both hunting dogs and now that jouno is vice-captain it is their duty to support him. assuming tachihara passes the tests that will be set.

he moves aside, giving room for tachi to continue practising. ] Yes, muscle memory.

Is there anything else you need, Tachihara?

[ bless this man, he truly can't stay untrusting and unforgiving in most situations. ]

I'll do my best.

[He doesn't pause his drills. When Tetcho steps aside, he simply keeps practicing that same movement against empty air. They have training dummies as well - he'll move on to practicing against those soon, because being able to feel the impact makes a lot of difference.]

No. But thank you for talking to me.

[He smiles to show his appreciation, though his eyes are still sad.]

Edited 2022-04-05 14:33 (UTC)

[ what is he supposed to do with this? tetcho doesn't know how to deal with betrayal except by cutting it out. like exercising a malignant tumor. he steps back and allows tachi his space to train.

he will check on his progress later; until jouno and teruko said otherwise, he would try to train tachihara as best he could. it won't stop him from feeling conflicted but tetcho thinks that is the right thing to do.

and so an hour or so after tetcho finishes the first part of his training he comes back around to check on the progress made. ]

[Tachihara has been practicing the whole time. He's gone through a lot of different drills, stopping frequently to check his stance, making sure his balance is even. He's beaten the stuffing out of one of their training dolls - not literally, not yet, but he's getting there - and by now he's drenched in sweat. It's been too long since he practiced this way.

He pauses briefly when he sees Tetcho approaching, and then returns to the drills to let him see.

He doesn't really know what else to say, so maybe they can just focus on this.]

[ tetcho is no longer wearing the hat and overcoat, having put those away for training, as well as his shirt. he watches what tachihara is doing for a minute or two and then nods approvingly. this is also why he is fond of tachi, the determination and how quick he is on his feet. in truth, he understands why he was the perfect infiltration choice too.

tachi is adaptable, he thinks jouno would say. ] Come at me then. [ he will use a training wooden sword because he's not here to punish anyone but he is going to make tachihara work hard. ]

[Tachihara waits for Tetcho to pick up one of the many training swords they have. He's relieved. This feels more normal. He knows it won't fix things, but at least Tetcho seems determined to keep training him still.

He's going to move slowly around him for a few moments, looking for an opening, a weakness - there isn't one, not unless Tetcho decides to deliberately give him one - and then launches himself forward to attack. And just like before, he really will be trying to hit him, because someone like him should never worry about hurting someone like Tetcho.

And if he did, Tetcho would be --

Maybe not proud, considering the fact that Tachihara is still a traitor, but he'd be impressed.]

[ swords he knows; they cut straight to the hand of the matter and while his mistake had been to judge poorly before, his sword is still true. and the hunting dogs need his strength.

tetcho holds back because this isn't 1)an enemy and 2)tachihara needs practice, more of it, before they can go full-on out. without his metal manipulation ability and tetcho's plum blossoms this is a fight focused on physical strength and stamina.

he offers openings, hoping that tachi will catch onto them and try to exploit them to hit him. ]

Faster.

[He does his best to speed up, knowing that this is still slow compared to what Tetcho can manage. And he's trying to find those openings. A low swing there means Tachihara can aim at his shoulder, a blocked attack allows him to spin around to try to sidestep him without worrying about a counter. Usually he's too slow to pull it off, too out of practice, but as they keep going he's definitely improving.

A lot of it is muscle memory that's slowly returning. And building enough confidence.]

Fast but not impatient.

[He repeats it as a reminder to himself. His old weakness, one Tetcho has tried to work out of him. It's definitely still there, and his time in the mafia hasn't helped.]

Fast but not impatient. [ tetcho can't help but smile, feeling more like hunting dogs with each passing moment. fighting always grounds him, it also brings out something else violent self-righteous but in the training room, with a fellow hunting dog this is just good.

he feels the tip of tachi's sword land on his shoulder and then his smile turns into a smirk and he swipes, low and aimed at knocking tachi off his feet. but he is pleased at feeling the blow land, because that means... to tetcho... that tachi is still a hunting dog first and foremost. ]

[Tachihara feels a surge of pride as his blow connects... And he lets his guard down. He wouldn't have been fast enough anyway. He's knocked right off his feet, landing on his side, his training at least letting him fall safely. It's still a blow to his dignity - not losing against Tetcho, but that he got too cocky, too fast.

He should have been prepared for a counter attack.]

You're still too fast for me, Tetcho-san.

[Which means he has to train harder. Next time, he'll give him more of a challenge.]

When was the last time you fought with nothing but a sword? [ tetcho thinks far too long so he will not hold any of this against tachi. one gets better with practice and determination. ] You'll catch up, speed suits your ability and fighting style too.

[ he reaches down and offers a hand to help tachihara to his feet. ]

[Tachihara takes the hand, letting Tetcho help him to his feet.]

I've been using guns for the past three years.

[And guns suit him, too. His ability allows him to control a gunfight, but he enjoys the adrenaline and chaos of that, too, throwing himself into danger. He's had to be careful not to reveal he has an ability, after all.]

You're right. My skills are rusty.

[ tetcho gives a considering look; gun and wielding them is more the area of others, jouno wields a gun more often than his sword- at least, tetcho thinks so. while he does not carry one because his own ability is linked to a blade and he has been training with a blade since ... well, he'd been younger than tachihara when he'd picked up his first training blade.

it does not mean guns and shooting are an area he lacks knowledge of... ] Once you've reached an acceptable level with your sword you can swap it out for guns.

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we fear rejection, prize attention, crave affection

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i'll color this later

yesss he's so cute

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mobile tags!! also no one @ me for fucking up my keywords rip

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