ferrociously | if blood don't tell you the truth

if blood don't tell you the truth

[It's strange, but every time he comes back here, he gets this nagging feeling that he's in the wrong place, like he doesn't belong in this building. He's changed into his uniform, he's easily recognizable, but he's still waiting for someone to stop him and tell him to leave. He knows it's all in his head. He belonged here first, long before the mafia, and if anyone stops him he could get it cleared up in seconds.

As usual, he's still gonna carry himself with confidence, though. He inclines his head to the people he passes, and some of them, recognizing the uniform, stop and stare, but Tachihara ignores them and keeps walking. He's back; he's home. Well, he's not. He's a triple agent now, spying on the mafia for the hunting dogs, and on the hunting dogs for the mafia, but his loyalty is with the boss. His are the orders he's going to follow. He is the one creating order. The hunting dogs were created as a farce.

Being back here really is messing with his head.

He turns another corner and spots another familiar person. He hasn't seen Jouno since they were both vampires (and there's a sentence that will never not sound strange), and he's not sure how to react. Relief that he's okay? Of course he'd be okay, it's Jouno. Maybe he should be nervous, because technically Tachihara is working against him now. But then, he was trained as a spy. He's got this. There's barely any change to his heartbeat as he approaches.]

Jouno-san!

[He bows deeper to him than he had to anyone else.]

I finally managed to get away for a couple of days

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jouno's smile turns more genuine when Tachihara speaks. It's a good explanation, even if Jouno doesn't believe that's why Tachihara had been worked up entirely. It's a good cover, even if Jouno would have noticed even a subtle spike like that.

The hand around Tachihara's throat loosens and he pats him on the shoulder. ]

That's a good strategy. [ He's a little proud, in a way, that Tachihara could come up with something like that. ]

You really would be a formidable opponent if you turned on us completely. [ Which is (part of) why they needed to put a stop to it now. ]

All that said, you didn't answer my question.

[He wasn't expecting the praise. It throws him off briefly, because it's something he's always worked hard to earn, and he wants to be happy about it. He wants to be, but the situation doesn't really allow it. Especially when he knows Jouno is still more disappointed than anything.

And now he has to answer that question.]

There's no way he could make me fight you.

[Which isn't the only way Tachihara could work against them. He could offer intel on the Hunting Dogs, or he could give the Hunting Dogs false intel to act on. He could sabotage a mission. There are countless ways, and he's definitely thought about them all, wondered what he should do if he's ever given that order by the boss. ]

I'd never give up any of your secrets.

[He'll only say what he's sure of. And the rest of it... he's not. As long as it didn't hurt Jouno or the others.]

I'm sorry, Jouno-san.

Apologies are pointless.

[ Nonetheless, it's all things that Jouno wants to hear -- and as it is, he knows Tachihara believes he's telling the truth. Still, there is no way to coexist peacefully between the two groups forever. Eventually, Tachihara will have to make a choice, and while he's certain that he wouldn't fight the Hunting Dogs, he may eventually lose the luxury of being able to decide that for himself. ]

You'll be used for intel against us or used to steer us in a direction that's beneficial for the mafia. [ All things that Tachihara had thought about, of course. ] We can't risk you leaking information, but if you don't, they have no reason to keep you alive. [ Jouno is aware just how lucky Tachihara is that he hadn't been killed immediately.

Taking Tachihara's chin in his hand, Jouno tilts his face up. He leans in, careful not to press the knife between them into Tachihara (but it certainly lingers there uncomfortably). ]

The Commander will want to pull you out. [ Actually, she'd be more likely to suggest killing Tachihara, but at Jouno's insistence, she'd surely agree to try that, and re-education, first. ]

[Tachihara can't deny any of that. Jouno is absolutely right, there's no middle ground here, and sooner or later Tachihara would have been forced to make that choice. He would have had to betray the Hunting Dogs - maybe in a small way, but it would still be a betrayl - if he wanted to stay in the mafia. It's something he's avoided thinking about.

He loves being a member of the Black Lizard, and he'd wanted to stay and keep being just that.]

I know.

[He says it quietly. He wants to rage against it, but it wouldn't get him anywhere, and Jouno taught him to control his anger when it's not actually useful. He controls himself when Jouno leans close, too, ignores the knife, because it's not like he can't handle being cut. It's kinda strange, being forced to look directly at someone who isn't looking back.]

I expected worse.

[He really did. He has a long list of Worse he's been expecting.]

[ They're close enough now that Jouno can feel Tachihara's breath on his face, and vice versa. The knife in between them slides down Tachihara's chest, trailing to his stomach, lightly so the blade barely grazes against his flesh. ]

When it comes to that, what will you say? Will you tell us no?

[ Tachihara would be forced to make the choice sooner rather than later. ]

Will you leave the Hunting Dogs, Tachihara-kun?

[He's not scared of the knife, he reminds himself. He's even cut himself in the past. But he does know what Jouno can do with it, and he knows he's in a lot of trouble here.

He ignores it. Pauses. Thinks. He doesn't want to give a half-honest answer because he got impatient. It's another bad trait of his, he knows. But if he says he'll leave the Hunting Dogs here, then he'll die. He knows that. Even if they don't kill him, his need for surgeries will, and that will definitely be a painful way to go. But he's not scared of death, and to use that as a reason feels like cowardice.

If he stays, it's because he wants to, and no other reason at all.]

I've missed the Hunting Dogs. [That's not an answer.] Would you let me stay, even knowing I have doubts?

Unfortunately, that isn't up to me.

[ A fact that Jouno is grateful for, because in the end, he doesn't know what he would decide. Logically, the answer is to nullify the threat. Tachihara knows enough of their secrets that while it wouldn't be damning, it would be inconvenient for the Hunting Dogs and the government were they to get out.

While Jouno believes that Tachihara could withstand torture from the Port Mafia if it came down to it, it's hard to believe that he would bother if his loyalties were really as mixed as they seemed to be. He says, and he believes, that he wouldn't divulge information that would hurt the Hunting Dogs, but how true could that remain?

Jouno does not think himself to be particularly sentimental, but even so, killing Tachihara would be unpleasant for him. He'd already had to make the choice to help kill Fukuchi, the very man that had changed his viewpoints. Having to go through that again wouldn't break him, but it would...

Would it hurt? It's hard to imagine being hurt, but Jouno knows he wouldn't like it. ]

If you were to forsake the Port Mafia entirely, leave their organization, and return to the Hunting Dogs, there might be some leeway in it for you, but short of that, you'd be a detriment to us. As long as you have one foot in the door with the mafia, there's no way that we could trust you again.

I know. I have to choose one or the other. [A pause.] I have to choose the Hunting Dogs or death, I know that much. But I wouldn't let a fear of death affect my decision.

[He'll make his choice, and stand by it, no matter the consequences. There's that pride again, one instilled in him by both groups... But it's easily swallowed by how conflicted he feels about all of this. When it all comes down to it, he still hates making decisions for himself when he could devote himself to someone's orders instead.

But he made his choice when he stood against Fukuchi.

He can do it again, he thinks.]

Then there's just one thing I need to know, Jouno-san. When I joined the Hunting Dogs, I was told we'd be working for justice. We wouldn't keep our hands clean, but we'd do the jobs that needed to be done. I really believed in that.

One of those jobs was joining the mafia, doing what's expected of someone in the mafia, and not even to bring the Organization down, just to keep an eye on one man. I think you know what I've had to do while I've been undercover.

[He's left out a lot of it from his reports, but Jouno is smart enough to fill in the blanks.]

And then it turns out the Hunting Dogs were never about justice. We were created by one man for something completely different, for his own selfish reasons. And in the end, the Port Mafia was the organization that helped prevent that disaster.

[This is difficult to say, but... he has to say it.]

How do I know the Hunting Dogs are the ones on the right side now? How do I know what the right side really is?

[ A decision like that should come easily. Choosing life or death -- but they'd both chosen the risk of death when facing Fukuchi. They'd even succumbed to it for a while.

Jouno knows better than most what Tachihara had been expected to do as a former criminal himself. His time as an executive had left his hands more tainted than most. He had always been twisted, so it hadn't shaped him, but he can imagine how it might have changed someone like Tachihara. Tachihara had been a relatively good person, acting out due to circumstances more than an evil heart.

Even though he enjoyed his job in the mafia, Jouno didn't think it made Tachihara a particularly bad person -- though, granted, his view on good and evil had always been a little skewed. ]

The right side is the one that helps more people. Even under Fukuchi's orders, before his real motive was discovered, we were helping innocent civilians when we could.

[ Jouno understood though -- even the mafia had helped people in the end. ]

I didn't join the Hunting Dogs for justice. [ He's not sure he knows right from wrong, really. ] But in the end, the people who were thanking me were good people.

We fight to protect those people. The Port Mafia fights to continue to exploit them.

[Tachihara is going to really consider those words. He believes that Jouno means it, especially because Jouno had also stood against Fukuchi, had been killed by him and turned into a vampire, the same way Tachihara was. It's why it's important to hear this from him. He's quiet for a few more moments.]

The Port Mafia creates order, as well.

[But it's also violent. It hurts and exploits people, he's not going to pretend otherwise. He's done all those things directly. Maybe that's what makes this so difficult: If he decides that the Port Mafia's actions are wrong, then he's also saying his own actions were wrong. It feels like stepping out of an illusion he's made himself living under, and he's not sure that he can.

And he can't think of his friends in the mafia as bad.]

I did all those things, Jouno-san. Every terrible thing that the mafia does. And I have to have pride in my actions.

What is that order used for, Tachihara-kun? Do you really think they're creating order for anything other than a world in which to commit more atrocities? Crime cannot exist without people to exploit and take advantage of, and so, it is necessary, at times, to protect those same people.

[ It's the motives behind it, Jouno thinks, that makes the things they do different. Tachihara has done terrible things, but in the end, his motives had been...

Well, they'd at least told him that his motives had been to protect people. It's what they need Tachihara to believe, and so, it's what Jouno will tell him. ]

Have pride in helping us keep people safe, even at the cost of doing terrible things, if you must have pride in something.

[The doubt is still there. This doesn't feel right. But in the end, Tachihara is more loyal to the Black Lizard than to the Port Mafia as a whole, because those are the people he calls his friends. He remembers hating them at first, too.]

That's what I wanted to do. That's why I wanted to be a Hunting Dog.

[And he'd even taken pride in being someone who'll do those terrible things, because it means that other people won't have to. It's something that his brother, his perfect and good and brave soldier brother would never have had the conviction to do, he's sure of it.]

I want to be able to feel that pride again.

[Unlike the conflicted feelings he's been living with for months.]

You won't find it in the mafia.

[ Jouno knows that isn't necessarily true. While he believes Tachihara to be a good person, he also knows that he's capable of everything the mafia has asked of him. He felt at home there, or he wouldn't be so conflicted. ]

I know better than anyone the pride and joy that can come from hurting people. [ Jouno's free hand moves to rest on Tachihara's cheek, gentle this time as opposed to his previous slaps. It's meant to be jarring, confusing. ] I delight in the suffering of others. I became a Hunting Dog to chase that feeling. Even if I have to hurt you for the sake of my joy, I will.

However, I'd much rather you be one of us. Find pride here like I do.

[It is jarring. He doesn't think he deserves that soft touch. It's the kind of thing he's been craving from Jouno, along with his praise, and he wants to give in right then and there and agree to everything he wants. He wants his orders to remake him all over again.]

I'm not scared of being hurt, but if you're the one doing it, Jouno-san...

[He knows it's something to be scared of. Everyone has a breaking point. Tachihara doesn't want to know what his own is.]

I want to try.

[ Jouno smiles at the implication that there's a reason to fear him. That's praise in its own way. He's earned his reputation, after all, and it'd be a shame to be underestimated by someone who knew him so well. ]

I'll speak with the Commander, but by my orders, you're staying here until we've decided what to do with you.

[ Jouno won't risk him going back to the mafia. ]

Your boss already knows you're one of us, and you're scheduled for maintenance surgery, so it shouldn't be a problem for you to be here for a few days. [ It wouldn't take longer than that for him to talk to Teruko. ]

I want you to do a mission with us. One away from the mafia. You need to be reminded why we do what we do.

[He breathes out a tiny sigh of relief. A decision has been made. One that's not Tachihara's, which is how he really prefers it.]

Yes, Jouno-san.

[It won't be a problem at all. He always makes sure to give the rest of the Black Lizard an excuse for why he'll be missing when it's time for his maintenance surgeries, so no one will wonder why he's gone.

And doing a mission doesn't sound bad. He doubts it will be that easy, though.]

I won't go anywhere until I have your permission.

Good boy.

[ Jouno pats Tachihara's cheek, smiling at him, slightly more genuine. It's the kind of compliment that he'd give in the bedroom, but it seems fitting here, too. Tachihara is listening to him, and for that he deserves Jouno's praise.

Besides, Jouno does still have him mostly naked. ]

[Those two words feel good in a way that he can't explain. They make his pulse speed up, in a way that he definitely can't help this time. It should probably be insulting to be told that.]

I -- I'll try to be.

[ Jouno pulls back his knife for now, sheathing it once more. It seems, for the moment, he's pleased enough with Tachihara's reaction. There's even a laugh as he hears his heartbeat quicken. ]

Ah, don't tell me you like that kind of thing, Tachihara-kun.

[ Jouno is absolutely going to pick on this where he can. ]

[That laugh just makes him feel more flustered and embarrassed.]

I don't, Jouno-san!

[It's not like lying is possible, but in moments like this he still forgets himself.]

I'm just relieved, that's all.

[ The more Tachihara protests, the more amused that Jouno is. ]

I don't mind.

[ With his knife put away, it's Jouno's hand that finds Tachihara's chest this time, fingers tracing along one of the shallow cuts he left. ]

You could even consider that a perk of the Hunting Dogs as well, if you want.

Huh?!

[He's not sure how to react. He's not pulling away from the touch, but he's now definitely awkward.]

I don't -- Jouno-san, now you're teasing me again!

Am I?

[ He definitely is. He's trying hard not to lose himself laughing. Tachihara's heartbeat is going a mile a minute. He's sure that anyone, even without senses like his, could hear it if they were this close. ]

I don't feel you moving away, though.

Of course I'm not!

[That would feel too much like disobedience at this point, and he promised to obey every single order. He's not risking it when he knows he's still on thin ice because of his betrayal. He's not moving an inch without permission.

But he also doesn't hate this.]

I really can't tell if you're serious.

[ It had been mostly a joke, meant to keep Tachihara off balance and unsettled, and so far it seems to be working. It's less genuine attraction to Tachihara and more a curiosity for just how far the other will go to prove that he's still loyal to Jouno. ]

What if I was?

[ Confusing Tachihara further is cruel, but it's also possibly useful -- devotion of any kind is helpful in a situation like this. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject